How important are your looks?

I have to confess; I don’t think I’m an ugly guy. I don’t think I’m that good looking either, I’m kind of neutral.

Women sometimes tell me I look like the English rapper Plan B. I didn’t really consider that a compliment. Plan B isn’t exactly a sex symbol.

I’m lucky enough that I can’t be called short, but I can’t really be called that tall either. Sometimes I get tall students, and I think to myself ‘Damn you! If I was your height I wouldn’t have to do a damn thing!’, of course, that’s a classic case of the grass being greener on the other side of the hill.

It’s funny though, but the tall, good-looking students I get aren’t necessarily any better with women than the shorter, less attractive students. I’d say they often have an easier time opening, but in the end, opening and getting into conversation is only 10% of the game. When it comes to the rest of the game, a lot of the time, the good looking guys just don’t know what to do. Then you’ve got guys like my friend Ben. Ben is shorter than me, scrawnier than me, and personally, I think he’s less attractive than me too. But Ben does at least as well as I do, and both of us do a lot better than most of the good-looking, tall guys at the bars we go to.

What’s the difference? The fact is, when it comes down to it, women don’t really care about looks that much. Now, I’m not going to say that it’s totally irrelevant, and that it’s not a factor at all; but it’s really not that big of a deal to most women. Social intelligence and social dominance (Aka, coolness and balls) are a lot more important than any physical attribute. As guys, we’re a lot shallower in the way we evaluate women than women are when they look at us (thank goodness).

And even when it comes to what women percieve as ‘good looking’, that varies a ton. Being ‘good looking’ as a guy has a lot more to do with the clothes you wear and the way you groom and carry yourself than it does with your physical traits. The character of Tony Soprano is considered a lot more attractive than Tom Hanks is, despite the fact that he’s overweight, because he conveys a personality that is intelligent, dominant, and caring (at some level). And he LOOKS good because he carries himself in a way that is congruent with this personality.

Anyway, here are a few things that guys can do to be more attractive. You can seriously bring yourself up several leagues of attractiveness just by implementing these tips properly.

  1. Fix your posture. If you use a computer more than 30 hours a week, your shoulders probably slouch forward and make you look shy, wimpy and lame. Shoulders down and back, walk tall. Consider Pilates or the Alexander technique if this is a problem.
  2. Go to the gym. You don’t need to be a muscle head to become more attractive to women. Just a few hours a week can tone out your body, broaden your shoulders and straighten up your back. Even a little change like this makes a big difference.
  3. Get a good haircut. A lot of guys are in love with their dumb haircut. It’s like, having a ‘fro’ is their expression of individuality. Recognize that if your individuality is defined by your haircut, you’re pretty lame. ‘Fro guy’ is not an identity.
  4. Buy some good clothes. They don’t have to be expensive, but they need to fit you right and they need to convey something about you.
  5. Check out male fashion/grooming blogs for more detailed advice and ideas. A really good site to check out is mens fashion magazine .

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1 reply
  1. Jason
    Jason says:

    Great post. Loving this page. Vibes alot too what I do w/business. Just starting following you guys too on YouTube, and on Facebook. Thx for the posts! Look to future ones as well!

    Dallas, TX


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